the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
