my being single is dangerous.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
