he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
