pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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