ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
