Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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