Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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