I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
this hospital has no fireball
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
