My hand turned me down
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
