i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
