My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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