I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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