i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
