Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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