you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
