we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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