I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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