Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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