You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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