Non-Jews are for practice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
