My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
