Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
