i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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