oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize