Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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