So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
