Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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