Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
