i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
