apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
