I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
