ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
