At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
