he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
