Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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