I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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