I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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