Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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