at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
