Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I understand Curling. That high.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
