how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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