Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
