If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
