This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
