advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
