like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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