so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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