who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize