My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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