Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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