and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
