Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
