bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize