I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
