So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
