You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
