come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
