all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
