As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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