It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
