guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
