Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
