i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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