you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
