last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
