we have pet lesbian snakes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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