My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
