I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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