we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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