God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
