ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
