what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
